Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this just has baby written all over it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
