I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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