Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the day after is always just damage control
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just pee around me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
