I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize