so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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