I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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