The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
