Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
