So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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