if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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