Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
