ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
