another moral hangover. fuck.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
