Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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