It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
