He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
