I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
