I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize