I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
