It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
