maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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