I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
