Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
