I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize