I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
