shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize