Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
FUCK WHALES
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
