hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
