I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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