I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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