the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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