Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
