I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
