walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
