hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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