is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
