Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
