well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it's like iHOP with fire
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
