Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
