The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize