I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
