I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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