i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize