Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
