He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
