Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
