I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
