My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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