Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Terrible idea I love it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
