An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
