he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We're too hungover to prance.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
