My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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