So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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