I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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