Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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