No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
