In the future we'll all be gay
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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