I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
