He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
