All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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