I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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