can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
