Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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