i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
