I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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