He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How's work?
Spinning.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
