i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
