Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
