I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
