Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
