ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
someone owes me an orgasm
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
