I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
