and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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