Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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