I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
