i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
