I could make wine with my vomit
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize