Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
