I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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